What is Love

   Posted by: chris   in Fish Talk

unconditional loveSo it’s February 14th again and another years rolls by and a fat bald old fart finds himself remembering this day 31 years ago when he was hot and dressed in a designer suit stood nervously in the church waiting for the organ to pipe, at least then he knew that she had decided to come and join with him in this marathon.

Yes there was a time when I had a romantic bone in my body and yes I did get married to my beautiful wife this day 31 years ago. The trouble is that while I have deteriorated with age she has improved.

So for those who don’t know over the weekend in Boston 950 am is an Irish music channel however I found out this morning driving my son to school that during the week in the am hours it is a religious channel.

The subject this morning was the eleventh commandment or love god and love thy neighbour as thy self according to the will of god.

By the way from now on I am refusing to remove the “u” from words like neighbour and harbour, Microsoft did not create the English language and to be honest I feel that harbor is like a neutered word without its “u”.

Love is one of those words that like a harassed worker had to take on an extra work load after its company restructured. I mean just look at how many areas of affection and pleasure love has to cover in its daily work load.

There’s love of God who we can’t see and don’t know for sure exists.

There’s love of ones children which in most cases is unconditional.

There’s love on ones spouse (sexual partner) which is conditional on them making you feel good. I sometimes find this variety of love to be more akin to a threat.

There’s love of ones sports teams, I mean I just love the Patriots and Manchester United. In my eyes they can do no wrong.

Then there’s the one night stand variety of love making. This usually occurs after a few stiff drinks with someone who we don’t know and don’t really care for.

I’m running out of ink here so enough for the love list, suffice to tell you what love actually is.

After the high charged emotion of sexual desire and feeling good within wears off most love dissolves into a life that you appear to be stuck in without reprieve. For some the only way out is out and when kids are involved and love of self is incessant then out means divorce and a broken home. I do not judge I merely write. It appears that for most people love is something they feel and not something which they give to others freely and without  intent. If there is motive there is not love rather a manipulation.

Love, true love, real love is actually a slang term for acceptance. Imagine unconditional love, this is a state of love without condition, regardless of who you are or what you do I love you. This is a very long way of saying I ACCEPT YOU as you are, you don not need to change in any way for me to love you.

So who do you love, mostly we don’t even love ourselves, and when you are in a hate relationship with yourself it is very difficult if not an impossibility to offer unconditional “anything” to another being. Well maybe your dog but not another human even your wife or children because deep within you feel the need to judge them by the same impossible to meet requirements that you continue to compare yourself to.

I’m not much for religion but the guy on 950 am this morning was good, the ten commandments are not optional if you want to call yourself a Christian. I sometimes feel that people in the US like to treat the Commandments of their God in the same fashion that they treat the Constitution of their Country, as rules that apply to everyone else, but for them the trick is to find ways around these rules without totally breaking them. It’s like being a little pregnant, you are or you are not there is no in between..

I was a committed Christian for the better part of my life before I woke up and saw that the joke was on me, now I am committed to being what whoever was responsible for my existence wants from me.

There is an old poem which goes something like this, I say it is old because I know the author and he wrote it quite some time ago, anyway here the last verse, the full thing is over at epic ballroom dot com.

“Rules are for fools, the owner’s the thief, all tickets are for the Titanic”

A rule is something designed to prevent us from doing something which our creator designed up to do, a law in the universal mode is something that we have no choice in, it is the basis of what we are. We all live, we all die, in between this sandwich is what the Buddha refers to as pain, but I believe that lost in translation was the Buddha’s interpretation of pain, not the pain you feel when you pull your teeth with a pliers, but rather the unbearable pain we suffer within.

All pain is the result of resistance to what is or put another way non acceptance.

It is what it is as the Great Bill Belichick is often heard to mumble between frozen pauses. I wonder is he a seer. Anyway it is what it is and you my friend cannot do anything about it, because what is, actually is the past, and that stupid place has a do not enter sign which is not the rule variety (man made) but rather the law variety, you cannot go there and change things.

Redemption is a future place built in the now. Forgive the past, let it go, let the river flow to its ocean, it wants to go home love it and let it go. All you can do is try to shape tomorrow, try to make it an improvement, let your kids know that you have their back regardless of what it is that they are doing, the word is regardless.

Your spouse is having it just as hard as you, he/ she doesn’t want/need a lot from you, just to know that you are there for them unconditionally, without condition, accepting them as they are warts and all.

All we all really need is to feel accepted, to be loved for who we are and not the image of who or what someone or something thinks we should be. At your core you are truth, the image you try to project is a lie, an act, a role created in a vain attempt to find acceptance and love.

Within this image lies the source of all pain, unhappiness.

Happy Valentines Day Everyone.

And Happy Anniversary Paddy and Mary

Most of all I send all my love and acceptance to Anne

Be Sociable, Share!

Tags: , , ,

This entry was posted on Monday, February 14th, 2011 at 2:18 pm and is filed under Fish Talk. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Leave a reply

Name (*)
Mail (will not be published) (*)